Lessons of life---Compiled online

He is 58 years old, bespectacled with distinguished silver grey hair. He’s spent 25 years working for one of India’s most respected corporate houses. I have learnt a lot from him. But it is unlikely you would have ever heard of him. His name is Karunan. And he worked with me as my driver.

Sometimes, the biggest lessons in life come from very unlikely sources. And as Karunan spoke to me one morning about his life and times, I thought young people would benefit from listening to what he has to say. Since Karunan will probably never be invited to deliver a convocation speech or a commencement address at a college, I decided to share those lessons with you. Here goes:

1. Getting a driving license does not make you a driver. “I was 18 when I got my license. But it was only after several months of driving a car that I actually learnt to drive, and became a real driver.” A license is only a permit – and not a stamp of authority. An MBA does not make you a manager. It is only after you spend several more years learning on the job that you truly qualify to call yourself a manager.

Many young people confuse getting a degree as signifying the end of their learning. Wrong. It’s just the beginning. A degree or a diploma – the licence – simply marks you out as someone qualified to learn from real life experiences. It doesn’t make you an expert.

2. The real world is very different from a classroom. “I learnt to drive a car. But my first job required me to drive a little tempo. The steering wheel was different, and so were the gears. I thought I knew how to drive – but I couldn’t even get the tempo started.” The world outside the classroom is a very different place. That’s as true for engineers and MBAs and accountants as it is for drivers. Get ready to get surprised.

3. Slog. Get your hands dirty. “I spent nights working as a cleaner. That’s when I learnt all about the insides of an automobile. Knowing what’s under the bonnet has made me a better driver today.” The brightest marketing professionals in the country will tell you that they learnt their biggest lessons in the days they spent slogging in small towns selling soaps or colas. There’s no other way. If you want to be successful, work hard, dirty your hands – and go beyond your specific role.

4. Initially, what you learn is more important than what you earn. “In my first job, the pay was bad but the boss was good. He gave me opportunities to learn, make mistakes. I banged his tempo quite a bit. While the dents were quickly repaired, the lessons I learnt remain firmly etched in my mind.” In your first job – don’t worry about pay packet or the size of the organisation. Get a good boss. A good mentor. That’s priceless.

5. Don’t worry about which car you drive. Focus on being a good driver. “I always wanted to drive the best cars – but rather than complain about having to drive a tempo or a school van or the city transport bus, I focused on driving well. I told myself that if I do that, the good cars will come. And they did.” Now that’s a great lesson. It’s not about the company. It’s about you. Do the best with what you have, wherever you are. Karunan spent 15 years struggling in odd jobs before landing a driver’s job in one of India’s largest companies. We could all benefit by staying focused on doing a great job – rather than worrying about the next job, or the next promotion. Do a good job. Success and happiness will follow. Inevitably.

Those then are five fabulous life lessons from an unlikely guru. Follow Karunan’s advice and I guarantee they’ll make a difference to your career. And to your life!

Prakash Iyer is MD, Kimberly-Clark Lever and Executive Coach.

Poignant...thought provoking story...compiled frm FB

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Musings....

Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you surprise you or disappoint you, but they can not prevent you from moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation is you can always do something...

On every turn of life you will always have a choice and that choice is power within you....after all a bend in the road is not the end of it until and unless you fail to make a turn.....

My 25 year Journey

As we grow older, our emotions seem to get the better of us. Perspectives change and relationships only get more complicated. Yes note, I say relationships, not people. Because, as a friend rightly said, we are born simple, but circumstances complicate us. To commemorate the quarter life syndrome people go through few lines on my behalf

To,

All the people I met and those I befriended

All the memories that were lived and which will remain and kill

All the ideas which clicked and those which were mocked

All the places I traveled and those thoroughly explored

All the movies I watched and those which subconsciously recorded

All the cups of coffee I consumed and liquids for which my mind tuned

All the cricket matches watched and those keenly analyzed

All the songs that I heard by chance and to which I danced

All the personalities who inspired and hearts like mine which aspired

All the books which I understood and which I thought I could

All the jokes that perfectly tickled and which drastically toppled

All the money that was earned and those which pops earned

All the impulsive negativity vented out and those humbly conquered

All the good life tasted and precious time wasted

All the experiences worth recounting and that deserve reliving.

To my parents.

All my friends, cousins, relatives and teachers

Thanks a lot, for being a part of this 25 year journey.

My life would have been incomplete had it not been for you.

With you around, life was beautiful and will remain indeed!

10/10/10 at 10:10:10 PM

An awesome day in my life that would be etched in the deeper subconscious of my mind for a long long time to come...

Hitherto I am talking about the amazing birthday which had all the elements of fun, excitement, surprises, pain, joy n everything it needs...

It kick started with my best friend's call from India at 12:01AM India Time.....Though we talk very seldom I am really amazed to receive the first call from him (no matter which part of the world I reside) for years now.....talking to your best friend close to heart makes a great beginning to your day...

My Binary bday(10-10-10) started off in a movie theater....it was a Mahesh babu movie after 5 long years....then had this crazy idea of cutting the cake in a place where I can live in two places at a time(inspired by 'OYE' movie and "A walk to remember" movie)....I call it crazy for many reasons...people believed it to be craziest idea and came to a conclusion that I have gone nuts ...but this was long anticipated day I awaited to make it memorable to myself atleast ..so finally had to travel(2 hrs drive) to the borders of Kansas and Missouri state I had to cut the cake.... I wish I had many friends with me that moment....but nevertheless all their best wishes on me made up for their physical absence....

Next in the agenda was a visit to Casino...but somehow my poor soul had little choice but be contended with a chicken biryani....had a cat nap as they call it for 2 to 3 hours.....

Next in the agenda is a visit to temple....It was one of those Duseehra navaratri days and the temple was full with devotees...a serene feeling to see so many people in a hindu temple in a foreign land....no matter how far might we travel we take our core characteristics with us.....

Now comes the chase of a police/cop for speeding my vehicle on my way return home......I had my heart in my mouth for ten terrific minutes when he chased down my car(bcos deep down my heart I knew I was at a much higher speed than permitted)...I was staring down a deep trouble of receiving a first penalty speeding ticket in my lifetime when the cop put on the lights on his vehicle....fortunately I did not get a ticket.....I dunno whether he had little proof of my speeding or was he in a jovial mood or anything ...god forbid a mishap and I was out of shambles ..

Now comes the real part of fun with friends......the surprise they gave me today will live with me till my last birthday... cake cutting on 10/10/10 at 10:10:10 PM at my home with friends around what an idea sir ji......the way they implemented it was awesome....great to see so many people on the occasion.....thanks to all my roomies and dear friends from our apartments to shower lot of love...thats the reason I love my friends wholeheartedly though I don't seem so outward.

It had all the twists and turns to remember it for a lifetime...for every reason and for every silly thing I did and experienced....

Bday Quotes

On the eve of my bygone bday....i had to post this interesting analysis of people's take on bday's

Bday means different things to different people....this is how people perceive bday's

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam: "The only day in your life, when you cried and your Mother was smiling.."

Ram Gopal Varma: "Just that your parents made love you are here on this earth...so no big deal"

Randomness...

The moment when you left your home for the first time and you look

back at your parents who are worried that their son is

leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards

independence



... the moment when the girl you like most.. smiled back at you!

You don't say anything.. you just smile back..



... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those

"numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...



... the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the

train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the

wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...



... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told

you, "You are through! Congrats!"



... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told

everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!



You can go on remembering your "special" moments!



I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those

moments.. as if it was "understood" ... happiness, joy, pain.. all

feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those

flash moments!

;

They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence".

Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support.

Non-cooperation. ..